It has taken me a long time to write my story down on paper, mostly because every time I think too much about it I cry. I don’t know exactly why. I do know I still feel ashamed that I didn’t realise sooner that my baby was in so much pain. I feel angry at myself for listening to doctors instead of listening to my heart. I feel guilty for letting my poor little baby cry so much and for so long because I let people convince me she was just determined or naughty or trying to control me.