REFLUX SURVIVAL TIPS

These tips are written by reflux parents for the benefit of reflux parents, based on their own experiences. They are of a general nature only, and are not meant to replace specific medical advice. They may help you to overcome the enormous amount of stress created by caring for a baby with ‘reflux’, but if you have any concerns, please discuss these with your doctor or Child Health Nurse.

These tips have been suggested by reflux parents, and are not meant to replace medical advice.

1. Don’t expect that you have all the answers from the beginning- it is a really steep learning curve, and chances are you hadn’t even heard of reflux as being anything more than a ‘chucky’ baby before you had your own refluxer!
2. These babies are not born with a manual, and there are generally no right or wrong answers on how to best handle this. They are all individual, and what works for one may not work for another. It really is a matter of trial and error until you find something that works for you and your family.
3. Accept you are doing your best, and try not to be too hard on yourself. Remind yourself that NONE of this is your fault.
4. Try to focus on what you are doing right, not on what you feel is going wrong. You aren’t doing anything wrong; you just may not have worked out the best answers yet.
5. Realize that your situation is tough, as infants with reflux can be VERY high needs babies and most people don’t want to know about it. A lot of people will downplay what you are going through, to either build up their own ego or assuage their guilt over not helping you.
6. Do what feels right for you, your baby and your family. Very often people give advice, and it is often very conflicting (eg someone will tell you to pick the baby up every time they cry; and someone else will tell you not to do that because “you will create a rod for your own back”) In these circumstances, it can be very confusing, and you need to do what feels right. (It is okay to listen to everyone’s advice, but it also ok to ignore it if it doesn’t sound like something you would like to try). If you are unsure, discuss it with your child’s doctor or Child Health Nurse.
7. Do what works, so long as you are comfortable with it, but remember to discuss issues with your doctor first.
8. Believe in yourself and trust your instincts. This is a medical condition; it’s NOT in your head!
9. Look after yourself- not only are YOU as important as your baby, but who’s there to look after them if you fall apart?
10. Reflux can flare when anything stresses them- hot sticky weather is a common trigger, along with over-tiredness (vicious cycle), change in routine, colds, infections, teething, vaccinations etc. Sometimes it can help to know that, so that any changes make more sense.
11. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why today was better or worse than yesterday (what did I do; what did I eat; maybe if I did this; maybe if I tried that?). The simple fact is, reflux can be cyclic and some days may just be worse than others, for no reason you will ever know.
12. Live in the present. Don’t dwell on the past and don’t waste time worrying about what might happen in the future.
13. Don’t be a perfectionist. Nobody is perfect at everything. Don’t expect too much from yourself- or from other family members (they are often just as stressed and upset as you, although they may show it differently).
14. Talk it over. Don’t bottle it up but ring a friend or a support group contact. Talking things over helps to relieve the strain and often helps you to see what you can do about the problem.
15. Think about how you might change the stressful situation. (e.g. take baby back to the doctor or get help in the home)
16. Take one thing at a time. You and your partner’s own well-being, and that of your baby and other children, are the most important things at this time. Take care of the urgent tasks and leave the rest to be done when you have time, or by others (cleaner, friend etc)
17. Try to ignore comments about how lucky you are that the baby doesn’t have a worse condition. You KNOW that you’re lucky, but it doesn’t help you cope with the screaming NOW.
18. Realise that it is difficult for your partner to understand your perspective.
19. Avoid blaming each other for the suffering you are going through. Everything always seems ten times worse when a baby is screaming.
20. Take each day as it comes, and just maybe it helps to know that life really can get better, no matter how hard it is right now. Remember though, if you aren’t coping, please ask for help, and seek medical guidance